So, upon looking for clothes to buy online (because I can't find anything worth paying retail anymore) I happened upon a very nice pair of grey sweatpants. I know what you're thinking: "Sweatpants! Just go to Walmart and buy a 30pack for a dollar and be done with it!" But no, You, reader, are misguided. For these sweatpants are equipped with cargo pockets, and back zip pockets, as opposed to your regular pair of sweats that only have the two sloppy and open pockets. It is, of course, the addition of these cargo pockets that make these gems infinitely more valuable than regular sweat pants. In fact, $575.00 is really a bargain if you don't do any math.
Think of all the stuff you could carry in those cargo pockets, while you're just lying around the house either sick or just being lazy. And lets face it, you aren't cleaning the house either, not in five hundred and seventy-five dollar pants. So what would you carry? How about a bottle of Nyquil you could sip on, or an 8oz flask of peppermint schnapps, or an 8oz flask of Nyquil. Because, lets face it, those pants only cover your bottom half, you're going to need a sweatshirt that costs five and a half more benjamins, and since you decided to blow your whole tuition on a gym outfit and don't have enough gas money to get to the gym, you're gonna lie around the house all day staying tanked.
But what if you do make it to the gym, what could you keep in those extra pockets? how about a protein bar, an mp3 player, a water bottle, your wallet, your keys, your cell phone, extra makeup and hair scrunchies, starbucks gift card, loose change, a pocket knife, extra pacifiers if you have a baby you left at home with the Nyquil, coupons for Dolce & Gabbana sweatpants, gum, contact lens case, a kindle, a flashlight, pepper spray, rolodex, and maybe some three hundred dollar sweatbands... Try and jog on the treadmill with all that rumbling around against your legs.
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